In general, men tend to become passive when women give
more to the relationship, while women tend to be mistrustful
and close up when a man gives too much. Neither men nor
women should withhold their affections and responsiveness
to each other, as long as they are appropriate to the stage of
dating.
Since everything these days is so fast, we tend to move too
fast in dating. We must be careful not to give much more than
our partner is giving. For all the reasons listed above, it be-
comes clear why so many people today have such a hard time
getting together.
LIVING IN THE PROMISE
Quite commonly, a woman makes the mistake of anticipating
what a man will give her if she is loving to him. In a sense, she
lives in the promise of getting his love, and so she becomes
more loving. If someone you trusted told you that you had
just won a million dollars, you would probably become really
excited. You would feel like a millionaire. After calling to make
sure the check was on the way, you would probably go out
and begin spending some of your money. You would begin
acting like a millionaire. If you discovered later that it was just
a hoax and you were not a millionaire, not only would you be
disappointed, but you would also be in debt.
When a woman lives in the promise of a man’s love, because
she believes that she will get what she needs, she is happy to
give in advance. The more she gives in advance, the happier
she becomes because she assumes she will get it all in return.
When she gives in advance and not in response to what he has
given, then it has the effect of making him less interested.
MAKING IT THROUGH THE FIVE STAGES / 141