Margarette was thirty-four and had been dating Stephen for
three years. She realized, however, that she had been respond-
ing to Stephen as if they were happily married although he
had not even proposed. With an understanding of how she
had contributed to the problem, she was able to share with
him her feelings in a nonblaming manner.
She shared her feelings with Stephen:
Recently I have had a lot of uncomfortable feelings. I
realized that I am starting to doubt whether we will ever
get married. I hope that someday I will get married, but
I am starting to feel as if that may never happen. In my
heart I feel that you are the one for me, but now I am
starting to doubt that. I do not want to pressure you into
doing anything that you don’t want to do; I just need you
to know why sometimes I am feeling distant. One part of
me loves you very much and another part of me is not
sure that I want to continue our relationship.
After a few conversations like this, Stephen surprised Mar-
garette with a marriage proposal on a romantic occasion. If
Margarette had given him an ultimatum or threatened to leave
him, he might never have proposed. By releasing her demands
and clearly communicating her feelings, Margarette created
the opportunity for Stephen to solve the problem.
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU HAVE MOVED TOO FAST
If you have moved too quickly through the stages, the solution
is generally to move back to the appropriate stage. This is
easier said than done. Exercise caution; an ounce of prevention
is worth a pound of cure. When you have moved
WHEN THE CLOCK KEEPS TICKING AND HE’S NOT WEARING A