With this new insight a woman can see beyond
her immediate reactions and realize that it is her
hurt talking and not her heart.When Raj first met Tina, he fell in love with her. He knew
that she was his soul mate. They were very passionate and
within a few weeks were in stage four. He had never felt so
deeply in love. But it was too much too fast, and Raj found
himself pulling back. He was feeling uncertain and started to
have doubts. Tina, who had been swept off her feet by his love,
was now feeling deeply hurt. She called Raj, but he didn’t re-
turn her calls.
Months later, Raj realized that he had made a mistake. He
wanted Tina back and tried calling her, but now she wouldn’t
return his calls. Each time he called she would listen to his
messages and feel her hurt. Fortunately, during counseling
Tina was able to learn that she felt that hurt because she still
loved him. She had resisted getting involved again because
she didn’t trust his love. She felt, “How could he really love
me if he could pull away so easily? He was so cold and indif-
ferent to me.”
By understanding the five stages, Tina was able to under-
stand how she had also contributed to the problem. She learned
that by going more slowly this time she could trust his love.
She learned that Raj had pulled back because he had gotten
close too quickly, not because he didn’t love her. Raj and Tina
were lucky to get back together. Without this understanding,
many men and women bounce back and forth and miss each
other.
MOVING BACK TO STAGE TWO: UNCERTAINTY
When a woman moves back to stage three and her partner
does not propose, after a few months she will generally begin
150 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.