women. A man may go out of town for a week. When he gets
back, the first thing he wants to do is have sex, but his wife
may not feel the same way. Her feeling is “How can you just
want to have sex? We haven’t even talked for days. Don’t you
even care about how I feel?” She may feel a need to get reac-
quainted before becoming intimate again.
A man doesn’t instinctively understand Venusian manners.
In many cases, as we will continue to see, he is clueless. He is
just following his innocent and automatic instincts, and actually
thinks that by not calling he is ensuring the success of the rela-
tionship. His instincts motivate him to wait a while before
calling to avoid appearing needy or desperate. He senses that
if he is too excited or interested, it may compromise his value
to her.
THE WISDOM OF WAITING TO CALL
On Mars, they are primarily work-oriented. As we have already
explored, dating to a Martian is like a job interview. Everyone
who has ever applied for a job knows that the worst thing you
can do after a job interview is call right away to see if you got
the job. Instead, you patiently wait for someone to call you to
let you know whether you got it. If you appear too anxious,
then you weaken your position.
A man instinctively doesn’t reveal his
excitement, assuming that if he appears
needy it will weaken his position.Instinctively a man knows not to show how much he cares
or how much he needs someone. Martians pride themselves
on being confident, independent, and autonomous. This prin-
ciple works in the business world, but it misses in the
236 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.