as if he had cooked it. When she compliments the movie or
the soup, he feels complimented. A woman’s pleasure on a
date can light up a man’s life in the same way that his consid-
eration of her needs and feelings lights up her life.
Unfortunately, there is a flip side to this dynamic. When a
woman criticizes the movie, he takes it personally in various
degrees. It is his movie script she is rejecting. When she talks
about how bad the service is in a restaurant, he may feel as if
she is complaining about him. Without even knowing it, a
woman can completely derail a man’s romantic feelings. By
focusing on sharing positive feelings on a date, a woman can
ensure the natural development and unfolding of attraction
in a relationship.
When a woman says, “I had such a good time the other night.
That band was great....” she should purposely leave out telling
him how frustrated she was that she had to wait thirty minutes
to use the rest room or how much she hated the guy who was
smoking in front of her. By focusing on the positive and leaving
out the negative, she may have a little less conversation, but
he will stay interested. She can then share the negative goodies
with her girlfriends: They will understand and be happy to
hear her stories and then tell her their own.
MAKING THE CHOICE TO RESPOND
It is crucial that a man experience repeatedly that he can make
and is making a difference in a woman’s life. Men always thrive
in a relationship when they feel needed and appreciated. When
a woman can respond to the little things he does, then his af-
fection, attraction, and interest have a chance to grow.
As a woman learns to respond to men with each of these
290 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.