Mars and Venus On a Date :

Jason’s Objections

At first Jason objected to this idea. He said, “Wait a minute,
I like a woman to be responsible too. I don’t want to do
everything.” Jason had not yet experienced the pleasure of
being successful on a date. He grew up in a family with lots
of girls and without a father. He had experienced being taken
care of by women all his life. He had never seen or tasted the
satisfaction and empowerment that occurs when a man is
successful in being responsible for himself. He also didn’t have
the confidence that he could make a woman happy, because
his father had not been able to make his mother happy.
His mother and sisters were not responsive or receptive to
his plans but instead were busy directing him, improving him,
and sometimes being critical of him when he was like his
father. He was just being a boy, but he didn’t get the support
that would allow him to feel good about himself. As a result,
later in life, he was happy not to risk failing again and to let
the woman be responsible. He felt much more comfortable
letting the woman be the responsible one. Jason was very
playful, funny, and entertaining, but at forty-seven he was still
unable to make a commitment to get married.
By consciously choosing to be more responsible, Jason
eventually learned to like being responsible and having the
power to make a woman happy. Within six months, he was
able to find the woman of his dreams and get married.

When a Man Can Relax

In stage four, as couples become more intimate, it is import-
ant that sometimes the man relax and the woman take over,
but this should be the exception and not the rule. When the
woman is feeling down, the man needs to have the

302 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.