feel incomplete. He isn’t clear about whether any of these wo-
men was right or wrong. Unless he finally gives himself a
chance to find out by being exclusive with just one, he will
never find out.
Unless he learns that shooting in a certain direction is defin-
itely wrong, he will never be able to self-correct and shoot in
another direction to hit the target. In his mind, he is still
thinking that four or five different directions might be the way
to go. By ending relationships in an incomplete manner, he
has unknowingly sabotaged his ability to find a soul mate. One
of these women might already be his soul mate, and he doesn’t
even know it.
His only hope is to stop comparing and looking for perfec-
tion. He should find a woman to whom he is attracted, who
clearly has some potential, and pursue her through the first
four stages. Then he will finally gain the ability to “just know.”
Even if he “just knows” this one to be the wrong one, at least
he knows. From there, he will find some completion to make
sure his next relationship is closer to the mark.
WHEN A MAN CAN’T COMMIT
While Richard is incomplete about his past relationships, Jason,
who is thirty-two years old, is seeing six women concurrently.
He just can’t make up his mind. He feels, “So many wonderful
women, how can you decide?” It is hard for him to make a
decision because he is stuck in stage two (uncertainty) and
then jumps ahead to stage four (intimacy).
He will date a woman for a few weeks or months. As they
really get to know each other and experience some real intim-
acy, his doubt comes up and he gets involved with one of his
other girlfriends, since he has not yet committed himself to
exclusivity. By going back and forth, he is not and will
FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON FOR YOU / 29