When a man stops pursuing, a woman’s task is
to resist the enormous urge to find out what has
happened or to do something about it.It is in this stage that the old saying “Absence makes the
heart grow fonder” applies. If he pulls away, she should
gracefully allow him take his distance. A woman needs to re-
member that men are like rubber bands. They pull away. If
you don’t run after them, they will spring back. After he
springs back a few times, he will have the certainty that she is
the one with whom he would like to pursue a steady or exclus-
ive relationship.
By giving the man the space to pull away and then once
again become more interested, a woman also gets to know if
this man is the one with whom she would like to have an ex-
clusive relationship. If she can fill up her life with the support
of friends and family and she still misses him, it is a good sign.
HOW TO AVOID PURSUING TOO MUCH
In the uncertainty stage, both men and women must be careful
not to react to their partner’s uncertainty by pursuing too much.
A man who doesn’t take this time to pull back can smother a
woman by his insistent pursuit of her with promises of love.
When a woman says no to his advances, he must be careful to
pursue gently and respectfully. Persistence is good, but it must
be done in a nondemanding manner. Trying to make her feel
guilty for not spending more time with him can be a real
turnoff. As a result, she can build a wall of resistance that
prevents her from discovering that she may want to have an
exclusive, steady relationship with him.
52 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.