Having a primary romantic relationship and
avoiding any romantic relationships on the side
will build the foundation for truly loving someone.Most dating couples in this stage unknowingly sabotage this
opportunity to experience the best of their partners and
themselves. As soon as they become exclusive, they relax and
no longer put their best foot forward. This is a big mistake. In
this stage, we must make a deliberate effort to keep doing the
little romantic things that allowed us to move successfully
through the first and second stages.
After a couple become exclusive, they often become too
comfortable and begin to take each other for granted. The man
stops pursuing the woman because he feels he has won her
over, and the woman tends to expect more, since they are now
exclusive. This creates predictable problems that can all be
avoided.
WHEN THE PURSUIT IS OVER
A man may do everything to win a woman over, but once he
has passed the finish line, he turns off his engine, parks his
car, and celebrates. In stage three, exclusivity, he mistakenly
assumes the pursuit is over. Somebody needs to tell him that
the race is not over. He has only just shifted into third gear.
He still hasn’t reached his top speed. He still has fourth and
fifth gears. To move beyond third gear, he needs to focus on
being the best partner he can be and continue to lead the rela-
tionship.
Most men think that you do the little romantic things only
until a woman accepts you and then you can relax. A man does
not instinctively realize that it is his romantic attention
66 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.