prets her behavior as unfair blaming and manipulation.
From his perspective, he feels criticized for not giving
enough and unjustly judged as unsupportive. He rejects her
feelings because he has been happy to help. He clearly got the
message that he was doing plenty, and now she turns on him
by not appreciating what he brings to the relationship.
All of this predictable turmoil and conflict can be avoided
when a woman recognizes that stage three is the optimal time
to ask for support. This is when she has the most negotiating
power. In stage three, a man is actually most receptive to her
requests.
In stage three, a woman actually
has the most negotiating power.If a woman waits too long to ask, then when she finally does,
in a later stage, the man may get the feeling that she is asking
for more because he has not been doing enough. This is not a
pleasant experience for a man. He likes to feel that he is a great
guy in a woman’s eyes, and very happy to go the extra mile
for her. A man is actually much more motivated to say yes to
a woman’s requests when she asks him for support with an
attitude that is free of strings, expectations, and obligations.
When a man cares about a woman, even if he doesn’t want
to do something, he is happy to do that very thing if he gets a
clear message that it will make her happy. If he gets a complain-
ing or resentful message that he should do it, he is resistant and
may refuse to do more until he is first fairly acknowledged
and appreciated for what he has already provided.
80 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.