WOMEN CHANGE TOO
Women are very aware of and verbal about the way men
change in a relationship, but they are not as aware of the way
they change. Women change, too. They think that now that
they are in an exclusive relationship, a man will automatically
do even more. The woman’s expectations increase. In anticip-
ation, she feels inclined to do more for him. While this may
seem like a good idea, it is not.
As she feels she is giving more, she is no longer as excited
and appreciative of the little things he does. Instead of growing
in appreciation, she begins to take her partner for granted. In-
stead of delighting in how supported she feels, she begins to
feel obligated to even the score.
Since he has been doing things for her, she feels she should
do things for him. She eagerly begins doing little things for
him, she becomes more accommodating, she opens her
schedule for him, she makes plans for him, she makes reserva-
tions for him, she worries for him, she waits for him, she tries
to please him, etc. By beginning to do more, although he may
like it, she unknowingly takes the wind out of his sails.
THE SECRET OF SUCCESS
It is fine to give to a man, but what is great is to receive. The
secret to success for a woman in the third stage is to continue
receiving. This is the time for her to focus not on doing things
for her partner but on receiving. By being receptive and respons-
ive to what a man offers, she is actually giving the relationship
the best chance to grow.
As long as she doesn’t give more than she feels he is giving,
then she will not begin expecting more in return. To be most
receptive and open to him, she needs to focus on trusting him
and not giving him any advice, accepting him just as he is, not
82 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.