The Wandering Eye: Breaking Eye Contact .................................................
Avoiding or breaking eye contact can indicate a variety of things. In many
instances, it’s a sign of submission or discomfort. Although your instinct may
be to run away from unpleasant situations or feelings, fleeing in panic isn’t
really an option in everyday life because as humans, we aim to cooperate.
(Unless, of course, the other person is threatening physical violence, in which
case you run in the opposite direction as fast as your legs can take you!) On the
other hand, at times avoiding someone’s gaze gives you a great deal of strength,
appeal, and allure. It’s all a matter of whose eyes you’re avoiding and how you
do it that creates the effect and determines the response. The following are the
common reasons why humans avoid eye contact, knowingly or not:To ‘flee’ from an encounter: Evading someone’s glance, gaze, or stare is
a defensive, protective action. It’s a form of fleeing from an interaction
that stirs up in you a ‘fight or flight’ response. When you think you’re going
to lose – whether it’s an argument or gaining someone’s attention – you
unconsciously withdraw from the encounter by pulling your eyes away.Looking away from another person, avoiding someone’s gaze, and avert-
ing your eyes makes you look smaller. People who feel uncomfortable
unconsciously make rapid and frequent eye movements, indicating that
they’d rather scuttle away than stay where they are.
As a sign of submission: When you look away from a person who makes
you feel ill at ease you’re relinquishing your power and giving it over to
that person.To avoid confrontation: As soon as a sign of confrontation appears, anx-
ious people reduce the amount of time they spend looking at the person
with whom they’re disagreeing. When you’re feeling anxious you avoid
looking at another person. Your eyes search for escape routes where
you can in effect hide from what’s going on rather than seek a solution.
When it looks as if trouble’s brewing between two people and you sense
one of them is going to lose, don’t be surprised if you see that person
avert her gaze to remove the dominant person from sight.
As a sign of uncomfortable feelings: People who are feeling ashamed,
embarrassed, or sad, deliberately look away.To prompt another person’s attention:Pulling your eyes away from
someone can show that you’re interested in her. This behaviour is part
of the flirtation process and encourages the other person to go after
you. If you do withdraw your eyes for this purpose make sure that you
look back frequently.The following sections discuss the ways that many people avoid or minimise
eye contact and explain what these different manoeuvres mean.Chapter 5: The Eyes Have It 83