If you touch someone on the arm or shoulder when you’re asking him a
favour, he may well agree. Grab someone by the arm to get his attention and
he probably pulls away.So, how can you tell if someone welcomes touch or is adverse to it? Observe
how he relates to other people and objects. People who touch themselves,
such as rubbing or stroking their faces, hands, arms, and legs, respond to touch
and would probably, all things considered, respond positively to your touch.
A person who avoids self-contact and doesn’t fiddle with figurines is telling
you to keep your hands to yourself.Wendy wanted her son Todd to agree to follow her into the estate agency
business. She hoped that her son would find himself a profitable career sell-
ing homes and properties. Todd needed convincing. He felt he didn’t have the
necessary skills and doubted his ability to close a deal. During their discus-
sion Wendy leaned forward and touched Todd’s arm as a gesture of reassur-
ance and gentle persuasion. Her touch felt comforting and Todd’s body
became less tense. His facial expression softened and eventually Todd agreed
to Wendy’s plan.Embracing during greetings and departures ..................................
The next time you’re at an airport, watch how friends and family members
hug when they’re arriving and when they’re departing. What you notice is
that when people hug upon arrival they maintain the embrace longer than
upon departure. When they first see one another, the hug is intense and the
embrace strong. The people are welcoming and bringing one another into
their most personal space. The departure hug is shorter and less passionate.
It’s almost as though by the time the people are saying good-bye they’re
having to let each other go.Part of my duties as on-board hostess for Holland American Cruise Lines was
to stand at the gangplank for meeting and greeting of the passengers. At the
same spot, a week later, we’d be saying our goodbyes. When the passengers
first arrived there was little touching if any between us, as I welcomed them
on board. I may have briefly shaken the hands of some. I definitely used my
hands to guide others. By the end of the cruise it was a different story.
Embraces, hugs, and heartfelt handshakes – we were new best friends united.
Having spent days at sea together we had established enough of a relation-
ship to comfortably touch one another. Some I even gave an extra little
squeeze.If someone pats you on the back when you’re hugging him, he’s giving you a
signal that ‘enough is enough’ and he’s ready to be let go of.138 Part III: The Trunk: Limbs and Roots