James and his new bride, Beverly, went to a party of James’s work colleagues.
Beverly knew very few people at the party. Throughout the evening James
frequently touched his wife, as a sign of reassurance and of ownership. He
guided her through the room by placing his hand on her lower back, he put
his arm around her shoulders while introducing her to his colleagues, and he
often held her hand while they were in conversation with other people.Max’s friend, JD, recently purchased his first car. He worked hard and saved
long to earn the money, and he’s extremely proud of the car, including its per-
sonalised licence plate and alloy wheels. One day when he was at our home
he asked whether I’d take a photograph of him with his prized possession
standing in our drive. As JD stood next to his car, he placed his hand on the
bonnet for the first shot, and leaned against the door for the second. Both
positions indicate his strong connection with the car and a real sense of his
ownership of it.Touching a person or an object implies that you’ve a relationship with that
item. You can use this awareness to intimidate or dominate someone else, or
you may observe someone trying to likewise intimidate or dominate you.
Especially intimidating, for example, is when someone touches something
that belongs to you.If someone you don’t know comes to your home or office, you can show owner-
ship and dominance by leaning against your door frame in a proprietorial way.Showing submission ..........................................................................
Entering a foreign environment frequently causes people to feel uncomfort-
able and act in a submissive way. They wait to be invited to sit, refrain from
touching objects in the space, and contain their gestures. Once they feel at
ease, their body language opens up.Amy’s boss suggested that she attend one of our Positive Impact workshops.
A potential high flyer, Amy’s body language was letting her down. Although
she was under consideration for promotion, her boss had concerns that
when the time came, Amy wouldn’t be able to fill her boss’s shoes and move
forward. Amy wasn’t claiming her space. Her movements were hesitant, con-
tained, and mostly close to her body. This behaviour, in combination with her
slightly hunched shoulders, gave the impression of subservience. Working
with recording equipment, Amy observed how her non-verbal behaviour was
displaying her inner world of doubt and insecurity.If you purposely want to show submission, close your body by pulling your
arms in close to your body and keeping your hands to yourself.200 Part IV: Putting the Body into Social and Business Context