Body Language

as stand-offish. Get too close and you may be perceived as intrusive. Some

people like to put objects and distance between themselves and others. It

makes them feel protected and gives them the opportunity to observe some-

one from behind a barrier, whether actual or perceived. Others like to get up

close right away. They want to burrow in and get connected.

If you turn your shoulder on another person you’re showing him that you’re not

comfortable with him. Your shoulder acts as a barrier keeping the two of you at

arms length. When someone turns his back on you, he’s shutting you out.

One of the reasons that open-plan office workers put photographs, pot

plants, and mascots on their computers is to put distance between them-

selves and others. When people are forced to sit close together they put up

barriers in whatever way they can.

Open space between people can lead to accessibility. You sometimes see a

person come from behind his desk to greet another without the desk acting

like a barrier. Trainers, coaches, and teachers often prefer working in an open

environment in order to connect with their listeners.

I recently ran a workshop in Portsmouth. Although scheduled to meet in one

of the conference rooms, because of the large numbers who had signed up to

attend, we had to relocate to the large, formal assembly theatre. As the dele-

gates entered the room, I noticed they were heading toward the back, leaving

rows of empty chairs between them and me. I already felt uncomfortable in

this formal setting, and my vain attempts to close the gap fell on deaf ears.

Several of the participants justified their position by saying that only senior

managers and directors sit in the front rows. As the event was designed to be

interactive it was vital that I connected with the delegates. I stepped down

from the stage and walked amongst the group to break the ice and build the

trust. After about 30 minutes the group began to move forward and spread

themselves out around the room. A few of them even sat in the front row.

202 Part IV: Putting the Body into Social and Business Context

Giving the cold shoulder

The origins of the expression ‘cold shoulder’ are

disputed. Some people believe it originates from

when welcome visitors to one’s home were fed

a hot meal, but if they were unwelcome visitors

they were lucky to be given a cold shoulder of

mutton. In Sir Walter Scott’s St Ronan’s Well,

1824, the writer remarks: ‘I must tip him the

cauld shouther [cold shoulder], or he will be

pestering me eternally.’