People who want to present themselves at the top of their game pay attention
to their outward appearance. They know the impact the visual message has
on people’s opinion of them. Go to Chapter 11 for more on how personal
appearance can influence others’ perceptions of you.Checking Timing and Synchronisation......................................................
A skilful communicator knows the impact that time has on perceptions and
relationships. Others may struggle with time and use it ineffectively,
adversely affecting their ability to communicate.In Western culture people place great importance on time. They value pace,
punctuality, and a pre-determined schedule. The person who acts by this code
is viewed positively. Europeans and North Americans find the concepts of tar-
diness, slowness, and unstructured time difficult to grasp, much less view in a
positive light. If you want to keep your mother-in-law happy, show up on time.In India, Saudi Arabia, and other far- and middle-eastern cultures, people
have a more relaxed approach towards time. In these countries keeping
people waiting for appointments and allowing interruptions during meetings
is common. Doing so is not intended to be rude. Time is considered to be
flexible and schedules are simply loose guidelines to work around.When you’re interacting comfortably with another person and have estab-
lished a good rapport you may find that your body movements match one
another’s. Your gestures and actions harmonise while you both subcon-
sciously copy or reflect the other person’s actions. Your movements are
coordinated, or synchronised. Like two dancers you’re both moving to the
same rhythm. Imagine the ensuing chaos if your movements were waltz-like
while the person you’re interacting with moved in time to the jitterbug.
Figuratively speaking, you’d be bumping into and tripping over one another
and your communication would suffer.If you pay attention to the other person and match your body movements,
your communication is going to be more effective. So, if you want to keep
your father-in-law happy, get your body in sync with his. By nodding at his
jokes, smiling at his stories, and recognising by the cant of his head that
cocktail hour has begun, your body reflects and responds to the signals he’s
sending out. And that is going to make him feel good.After listening to a long-winded conversation, the person who wants to make
a point moves quite conspicuously when she thinks the speaker is about to
come to a conclusion. Her body rhythm differs from the speaker’s, indicating
that she now wants to speak.282 Part V: The Part of Tens