Fear
“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the
children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the
long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.”
—Helen Keller
Ask yourself ―why do we fear rejection?‖ What could possibly happen that
would be so devastating it‘s not worth even trying? The only response of any
significant consequence is physical violence. Unless your idea of an approach is
pinching her ass or squeezing her chest (which it is for some guys), you‘re not
going to incite an extreme reaction with mere words. It‘s time to role-play
through your fears. By working through things mentally you can visualize your
fears and then reject them as invalid.
―What will happen when I ask for her number? What will happen when I
call? What if I get a date?‖ etc. If your wiring is set to come up with all the
ways these situations could go wrong, then these questions become various
fears. Regardless of whether they become conscious or unconscious ones,
they can sabotage success instantly. These fears can make you give up before
you even start. It‘s easy to say, ―Awwww, it‘s not worth it. I‘ll just give up now
because I don‘t know what to do anyway.‖ By consciously considering these
situations, you can completely turn things around:
- First, you can consider the worst case scenario, realize that it‘s not so
bad after all, and reject your fear of it; e.g. she will refuse to give you
her number in a rude way, but that says nothing about you, reveals
that she‘s a bitch, and will just mean you have to try again to find
someone you‘d even want to talk to. - Second, you can consider the best case scenario and realize that it‘s
pretty good and worth the effort and risk of trying; e.g. she will
happen to be at home, sound really pleased to hear from you, you‘ll
have a fascinating conversation (but remember to keep it brief and cut
her off while she‘s highly interested!), and she herself will want to see
you again in person. - Third, you can consider your actual approach, imagine the possible
words and actions you could use, and select the stronger ones and
know to avoid the weaker ones. This will both diminish the risk of a
negative scenario turning out, and increase the chance a positive one
will result.
For instance, you will consider bringing her flowers but realize that this
makes you look like every other wuss who‘s done the same thing