Attraction Isn't A Choice

The Secret Language of Flirting and Sexual Chemistry

Most of what people refer to as ̳chemistry‘ lies in the communication
between two people. You‘ll notice that if a man starts a conversation in a
completely serious and proper manner, i.e. there‘s nothing unusual about the
way he communicates, there‘s unlikely to be chemistry between him and the
woman he‘s boring.

When we say ―there‘s chemistry‖ between people, what we‘re really saying
is that they‘re both flirting with each other. It only takes one person to flirt,
but it takes two to have chemistry.

To have chemistry with a woman, you need to flirt with her—she can‘t
create chemistry by herself and is even socially conditioned not to start flirting
unless you do.

Flirting is obvious to some people, while others even if they can feel it
when someone does it to them, have no idea what it really is or how to do it
themselves. To learn what‘s behind it, let‘s list some examples:

 Teasing or busting balls

 Sarcasm

 Being a little too serious for the situation

 Breaking the socially-acceptable limits on physical space

 Interpreting communication through a sexual subtext or making sexual

innuendo

These are some of the most common forms of flirting. I don‘t mean that
every time someone acts in one of these manners they‘re necessarily flirting...
it‘s just that when someone does flirt, these are the likely ways for them to do
it.

What do they all have in common? They‘re typically ―non-standard‖ and
they‘re typically unexpected. None of these styles of behavior produce the
normal communication that the other person expects.

We discussed Broca‘s region of the brain in the last chapter and how it
directs our attention to new stimuli. What flirting does is provide new stimuli
instead of the expected ones, and by doing so it accomplishes its goal of
getting attention. When the other person can do the same back, there‘s a
mutual feedback loop of ―heightened interest‖... we call this ―chemistry‖.

What‘s different about the kinds of non-standard communication that we
consider flirting from the rest of the kinds of non-standard communication is