tional approach and the importance of maintaining rapport
through the negotiation process.” —Andrew A., ConsultantSome people instantly think of confrontation when they think of ne-
gotiation. This posture diminishes any hope for rapport. These people are
typically the dominator types, whose fatal flaw is underestimating the ne-
cessity of allowing the other party’s ego and reputation to remain intact
throughout the negotiation process.
For a negotiation to be successful, both sides need to get something
they want both in material terms and emotional terms. Before entering a
negotiation, it is helpful to answer the following questions.
•What am I trying to achieve?- What kind of emotional environment do I want to create?
- What are they trying to achieve?
- What are the emotional payoffs they need?
- What problems are likely to arise?
- How will I approach these potential problems?
Negotiation tactics that fail to address the emotions of the other party
are risky and sabotage the possibility of a long-term relationship. I once
read a story about famed entrepreneur Wayne Huizenga. He liked to save
a surprise request for the close of a negotiation. He supposedly would use
this tactic knowing the other party was feeling a deal was close and would
not want to jeopardize it by saying no. Using this sort of tactic may work,
but it may also leave the other party feeling angry, manipulated, and ex-
ploited. Unless you have no need for future rapport, such a tactic should
be avoided.
EMOTIONAL WISDOM
David Augsburger, author of When Caring Is Not Enough—Resolving Con-
flicts through Fair Fighting, wrote, “Maturity is knowing both how and when
to yield, and where and why to stand firm. Never yielding and always yield-
ing are both evils in human relationships.” Emotional intelligence is re-
garded as wisdom when practiced in potentially contentious scenarios.
It takes not only wisdom but also persistence to work through a partic-
ularly tough negotiation. Effective negotiators do not try to win by upping
the ante of anxiety but by affirming a foundation of confidence in their rela-
tionships with the other parties. By demonstrating genuine concern toward
the other party, we raise their confidence in us. As a result, their needs—
240 SELLING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE