brain’s chemical system is in a readiness state. You are now in a perfectly
vulnerable spot for an emotional hijacking.
This second rush can be more difficult to deal with because it can last
for days—if we continue to ponder the thoughts and circumstances that
provoked the reaction. I can remember situations that caused me to feel
angry for days at a time, from my first waking moment to my last. It was not
until I could find some perspective, which allowed me to view the situation
through another lens, that the anger’s chemical train was derailed. This ex-
plains why it is so vitally important to talk out frustrations and hostilities
with a trusted friend. The input friends bring can help us change our focus
and, subsequently, the chemistry that upsets our body and emotions.
Get in touch with what your body is telling you. Anger is not only bad
for relationships, it is harmful to your body. If you feel symptoms in your
body, then your chemistry is screwed up. Your chemistry is screwed up be-
cause your thoughts are feeding that chemistry. If you continue to focus on
your anger, you perpetuate the overdose of stress chemicals in your system
and open the door to a thousand physical maladies. Don’t wait for radical
signs to do something about it.
I clearly remember a personally alarming incident regarding the ef-
fects of anger upon my body. I had to confront an employee who was en-
gaging in some inappropriate behavior. I had warned him before, and now
I had to give a stern and final admonition. I was so angry and stressed about
this situation, that during the encounter I began to experience what I
thought at the time was some sort of hallucination. The person I was talk-
ing to began to appear like he was far away from me. I couldn’t figure out
if he looked like he had shrunk or if he looked like he was a hundred yards
away. At that moment, I thought I was losing my grip.
I later asked a doctor friend if he could explain this phenomenon to
me. He informed me that all manners of strange events can occur when a
body is overstressed. He informed me that what had happened to me was
a buildup of abnormal pressure on my optic nerve, resulting in an optical
illusion. I realized then and there that I needed to take responsibility for
learning how to manage my anger so that I could prevent these emotions
from overwhelming my system.
“YOU MAKE ME MAD!”
As long as we allow ourselves to blame someone else for how we feel,
we will excuse our anger and deprecating actions. If, on the other hand, we
“own” what goes on in inside of us and accept total responsibility for those
feelings, we are then able to respond in new ways. We literally become
66 SELLING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE