HOW TO USE THIS LEADERSHIP TOOL
“...feelings are at the heart of what’s going on, they are the business at hand and ignoring them is nearly impossible.
...Framing the feelings out of the conversation is likely to result in outcomes that are unsatisfying for both people. ...
Emotions have an uncanny knack for finding their way back into the conversation, usually in not very helpful ways.
—Douglas Stone et al., DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONSEmotional competence is not something you can assess on your own. As human beings, we are
notoriously poor judges of ourselves!
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We suggest you use this assessment first on your own; then, sit down with a coach—ideally,
someone who knows you very well—to get feedback and examples and prepare an action plan.
456 SECTION 15 TOOLS FORTAKINGCARE OFYOURSELF
Your insideor personal emotional competencies- Knowing who you are(warts and all!)
➠ self-awareness of own feelings
➠ getting feedback to align your self-perception with
that of others
➠ having sufficient self-esteem to be able to take
risks - Personal self-mastery(dealing with your own feelings)
➠ taking responsibility for yourself; not blaming
others for your shortcomings
➠ handling yourself well in emotional and changing
situations
➠ not being threatened by others’ expertise or
aggressiveness
➠ integrity and trust
➠ balance between big picture (vision, creativity,
innovation) and detail (structures, priorities,
\getting things done)
➠ consciously modeling the behavior you expect in
others - Motivation and drive(having a results orientation)
➠ formulating and holding yourself accountable for
your goals
➠ a balance between becoming (wanting and leading
change) and being (getting things done)
➠ able to get personal results, but not at the expense
of your colleagues
Your outsideor social emotional competencies- Awareness of others’ emotions and needs
➠ empathic and understanding; able to walk in
another’s shoes
➠ taking a personal interest in others and what
others have to say
➠ active listening skills
➠ knowing and, if appropriate, adapting to the
maturity, styles, and preferences of others. - Social skills
➠ helping others succeed; seeing your success as the
success of others
➠ teamwork: knowing when to collaborate and
when to compete
➠ networking: building a win–win support system
➠ basic counseling skills: being able to help people
express their concerns, needs, and feelings
➠ communication skills
➠ roles and power relationships: reading and
working within the inevitable organizational
power structures