272 Chapter 12
However, while the symbolism in the wake tends to stress socialist
notions, the purpose of the wake is to keep company both to the per-
son who has passed away, as well as to their grieving family. An
employee of a funeral home described the meaning of the wake as
such: “They are like keeping company to the closest family, showing
solidarity with them. In general we Cubans are fairly united, fairly soli-
dary; the same with the neighbors, friends, companions [i.e. work col-
leagues].” The wake is about sharing the grief of those close to the
deceased. This stress on the sheer compartir (‘sharing’) is possibly fur-
ther emphasized by the fact that nothing much happens during the
wake; there are usually no speeches, music or other type of ceremony.^7
Usually anyone close to the deceased or to their family comes to
make an appearance at the wake as a sign of caring and participating in
the family’s loss. The attendants include kin members of all types
(matrilateral, patrilateral, affinal and ritual), as well as friends, neigh-
bors and work colleagues of the deceased.^8 It is likely that a man’s chil-
dren will attend his funeral even if he has had little or no contact with
them for years, even decades. (Since women tend to maintain continu-
ous close contact with their children, their participation at the funeral
of their mother is much more evident). There is a notable difference
between the participation of men and women at the funeral of their
father. Sons tend to remain in closer contact with their father than
daughters throughout their lives. A daughter’s participation in her
father’s funeral may depend on his participation in covering some of
the expense of her quince party years earlier.^9 If he did not give her
money for her quince, it is possible that she will refuse to perform her
part of the exchange by attending his funeral. However, for both men
and women, failing to establish contact with the father at this life stage
- However, some people tell jokes at wakes, and I once heard a woman give a very
short speech at a wake. In funerals of initiated practitioners of Santería an Ituto cere-
mony is performed during the wake (see Alcaraz, 2003: 65-66). - Matrilateral refers to the mother’s kin side, patrilateral to the father’s kin side. Affi-
nes are kin via marriage and ritual kin includes for instance god-parent-relationships. - A girls 15th-year birthday party is a very important ritual occasion in Cuba.