savings and investments. Worse, he had grieved the loss of a
daughter, a daughter-in-law, two grandchildren, and countless
friends and comrades. A patriot devoted to his homeland, he now
was deprived of citizenship and liable to be tried for treason. Why
shouldn’t he give his men permission to continue striking back at
those who had carried out the Union’s policy of total war, destroy-
ing much of the South’s countryside?
But Lee looked at Alexander and shook his head. “The men
would have no rations, and they would be under no discipline,”
he said. “They would have to plunder and rob to procure subsis-
tence. The country would be full of lawless bands in every part,
and a state of society would ensue from which it would take the
country years to recover. Then the enemy’s cavalry would pur-
sue... and everywhere they went, there would be fresh rapine
and destruction.” Lee told Alexander that he mustn’t think of
what surrender would mean in terms of lost honor; they had to
do what was best for their country.
Alexander recounted later, “I had not a single word to say in
reply. He had answered my suggestion from a plane so far above
it that I was ashamed of having made it.”
A leader is called to view the situation from a higher plane, to
see beyond the immediate situation to the long-term consequences.
Lee’s ego was as sensitive as anyone else’s. Toward the end he
was overheard saying, “How easily I could get rid of all this and
be at rest. I have only to ride along the line and all will be over.
But it is our duty to live. What will become of the women and
children of the South if we are not here to protect them?” As
always for Lee, there was a higher responsibility than self.
The Christian tradition has often viewed humiliation as a
deepening and purifying process, with Jesus as the primary model
of suffering humiliation with extreme grace. That attitude, when
seen in a leader facing failure as monumental as Lee’s, enables a
gritty response to an “ultimate challenge.”
The opposite of humiliation, extreme success, calls for the same
depth of grace and objectivity. Jerry Jenkins, coauthor of the multi-
million seller Left Behindseries, once quipped, “If I ever act like I
Redeeming the Ego