10 Body + Soul
With a little
creativity, you
can actually
turn your
situation into a
sexual incentive
tions. While your son stands staring into
the open fridge, text your hubby from
across the kitchen. This will keep the ex-
citement going between you while you
can’t be quite so openly romantic. And
when your son goes out with his mates,
bring everything out into the open, get
naked and enjoy having the house to
yourself. If you don’t like the idea of
texting, don’t forget good old-fashioned,
romantic strategies such as letter
writing. Yes, to your husband in the
same house.
I’m sure your son will be
back on his feet and will move
out before long, but whether
he is there or not, why not
book a weekend away in a
hotel as a treat?As so many
other couples with boomer-
ang adult children have discov-
ered, an escape — even just for
one night — is the ultimate
aphrodisiac.
Send your questions to
[email protected]for the parents of boomeranging adult
children. It has, inevitably, put the damp-
ers on many a midlife sexual awakening.
It’s understandable that you have priori-
tised you son’s needs over your own, but in
doing so, you have nipped something
rather wonderful in the bud.
Young people can’t stand the idea that
old people still have sex — or even snog.
Particularly their parents. The good news
is that, with a little creativity, you can actu-
ally turn your situation into a sexual in-
centive. In the same way that being told
not to think about a white polar bear
ensures that you can’t get them out of your
head, feeling that you are not allowed to
have sex is a sure-fire way to make your-
selves want it even more.
So no, you can’t be freely naked around
the house, or pop to the bedroom for a
quickie in the afternoon. But instead of
feeling constrained by your son’s presence,
you and your husband should lean in to
“thought suppression” as a way of keeping
the flame alive. Capitalise on the fact that
it is inappropriate to express yourselves
sexually in front of your adult son as a way
of ensuring that sex keeps “popping up”
between you.
Fan the flames with secret communica-My husband and I
were sad when our
grown-up son flew thenest, but I have to say it was
a boost for our relationship —
especially our sex life. We
were naked a lot more often.
Now our son has lost his job
and moved home, it has
ruined things a bit and we
can’t be spontaneously
romantic around the house.
What can we do?
Suzi Godson
Sex counsel
We miss our
sexy empty nest
A
Although sexual frequency de-
clines with age, couples who are
in loving, longstanding relation-
ships often find that the sex they
do have actually improves. When the psy-
chologist Miriam Forbes at the University
of Minnesota analysed patterns in data
collected from more than 6,000 people
who had been followed over a period of 18
years, she found that as people got older,
they placed much more emphasis on the
quality rather than the quantity of their
sexual encounters.
Other research by Dr Holly Thomas at
the University of Pittsburgh found that,
despite having less sex, older women have
a better understanding of how their
bodies work, and because they are more
self-confident, they are better at commu-
nicating their sexual needs. This enhanc-
es sex for both partners. This is true for
females of any age, but when adult child-
ren leave home, the opportunity to have a
second honeymoon in an empty nest is a
real bonus.
Unfortunately, privacy has been an un-
foreseen casualty of the pandemic, whe-
ther that’s with flatmates, small children orSign up for
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