The Sunday Times - UK (2021-11-28)

26 November 28, 2021The Sunday Times

Travel

I’ve had quite

a few holidays

ruined by bad

weather. I’ve

been to the West Indies a

number of times and as far as

I can tell it always rains. On

a trip with Jim Moir [aka Vic

Reeves] in 1992 we flew to Los

Angeles to do Route 66 by

motorcycle. When we arrived

the heavens opened and the

whole city was flooded, so we

stayed in a house in Laurel

Canyon for three weeks and

only managed to clock up

20 miles on our bikes.

There was also a

particularly frightening

moment on that trip when we

took a wrong turn and ended

up in Compton. Jim turned to

me when we stopped at traffic

lights and said: “We’ve got to

get out of here — now!” Later

he said that the bloke in a van

next to us had pointed a gun

at us. I’m very thankful I didn’t

see that.

I used to be a big fan of

motorbiking holidays. I don’t

do it now as I don’t feel safe

on them any more, but an

especially memorable one was

in France, again with Jim many

years ago. Our first stop was

Chartres, southwest of Paris,

and we ended up eating a 12-

course meal in the hotel that

evening. Neither of us spoke

French and we accidentally

ordered the “menu

gastronomique”,

which included things like

snails. We felt pretty ill

the next day.

We ended the trip at

Christian Dior’s house,

just outside Nice.

Jonathan Ross had

rented it for a holiday

and asked us to join

him. I remember it was

a sprawling château with

a swimming pool and

tennis court. It was very

flash and I felt like we were

part of the Riviera scene.

It’s only in recent years

that I’ve realised how many

gobsmacking places there

are in the UK too. In 2018 I

started filming Mortimer &

Whitehouse: Gone Fishing

with my old pal Paul

Whitehouse and it has taken

us everywhere from Lough

Erne in Northern Ireland to

Bob Mortimer got a bellyful of Chartres, southwest of Paris, on a motorbike trip with Vic Reeves

The comedian loved motorbike tours

and has stayed in Dior’s house near

Nice, but now he fancies wild Canada

LEONID ANDRONOV/GETTY IMAGES; NILS JORGENSEN/SHUTTERSTOCK

autumn menu include Orkney

scallops with pomegranate

and toasted almond, and

Valrhona chocolate with

hazelnut. One dinner for two

excluding drinks is included

in the prize. For details visit

northcote.com.

The prize must be taken

before May 26, 2022, subject

to availability and excluding

public holidays, as well as

the periods December 20

to January 3, and January 21

to February 8.

The winner and guest will

stay for two nights, B&B, at

Northcote, the gastronomic

hotel and Michelin-starred

restaurant near Langho.

Set close to Pendle Hill,

Northcote is a relaxed and

luxurious base from which to

explore the wild, windswept

landscapes of the Forest of

Bowland and the historic

towns and monuments of

the Ribble Valley. Clitheroe

Castle, Whalley Abbey and

Ribchester’s Roman museum

are near by.

Meanwhile, back at base,

26 sumptuous rooms and

suites await, as well as the

executive chef Lisa Goodwin-

Allen’s celebrated cuisine.

Treats on the five-course

Only one entry per person,

at thesundaytimes.co.uk/

wherewasi by Wednesday.

Normal Times Newspapers

rules apply. No correspondence

will be entered into.

The answers are Adam

Smith and Ravenscraig

Castle. Elspeth Will wins a

Japanese-flavoured city break

at The Prince Akatoki London

near Marble Arch.

been a treat if Friend hadn’t

kept wittering on about the

sentinel. He grew more

insistent in a church on the

southern road into town —

when he saw, online, that

the base has a heritage

centre, open by appointment.

“Let’s go,” he whined, like a

turbofan engine.

I, meanwhile, was

transfixed by a tomb in the

church. Sculpted in Rome in

the early 18th century, it

depicts a burly aristocrat and

his wife: former residents of

the enormous house a mile

southeast of us. I loved its

soaring ambition — like a

spire, a celebration of all

things vertical.

“Take off on your own, if

you want,” I said eventually.

“I’m staying. I’ve had enough

of your harrying.”

Sean Newsom

COMPETITION

WHERE WAS I?

THE QUESTIONS

THE PRIZE

HOW TO ENTER

LAST WEEK’S PRIZE

WIN A

MICHELIN-

STARRED

BREAK FOR

TWO

AT NORTHCOTE

IN LANCASHIRE

My friend always jumps to

conclusions. So when I

mentioned one of the places

on our itinerary, he brought a

bucket and spade. Still, he

was even more excited when

we flew past the place at

70mph — and glimpsed the

sentinel at the gate.

“Stop the car!” he roared.

“On a dual carriageway?” I

gasped. Friend shot me a jet-

black look as I drove on, but I

was unrepentant. “It’s still an

operational base,” I told him.

Besides, my real goal was the

honey-stone town that lay

three miles northwest.

So I took Friend to see an

independent school there.

Among its alumni was a noted

20th-century composer.

It wasn’t the town’s only

educational high point. Nearly

700 years ago it was the

scene of a brazen attempt to

found a great seat of learning.

Back in the car, I treated

myself to the pupil’s lush

syncopated concerto for

strings. Well, it would have

1 What’s the name of the

operational base?

2 To which saint is the

church dedicated?

Bob Mortimer, 62, is a

comedian best known for

his work with Vic Reeves

as part of their Vic and

Bob double act. And Away...

is his autobiography, which is

out now (Gallery Books, £20).

He lives in Kent with

his wife, Lisa, and they have

two sons, Harry and Tom

the River Tweed and the

Lake District. For the latest

series we went to Uist in the

Outer Hebrides and it was

extraordinary — really rugged

and elemental, with big rocks

and waves and eagles flying

overhead. The beaches were

so pristine that we could have

been in Barbados.

I had a triple heart bypass

operation in 2015 and I felt

very vulnerable afterwards,

so I became fond of sitting

on my settee doing nothing.

Paul got me fishing to get me

out of the house. Before that

the only fishing I’d done was

as a boy on my local river, with

a rod from Woolworths. Now I

can say I’ve caught a 30lb pike.

This year my wife, Lisa, and

I have booked lots of trips to

some of the places I’ve visited

with Paul. It’s certainly

different from our usual

holidays; before the pandemic

we went to Palm Springs every

year. We loved renting a

mid-century home with a pool

and pretending we lived in the

1950s, like old Hollywood

stars. We’d drive out to the

desert, to places like Joshua

Tree National Park, but were

also just as happy sitting for

days beside the pool.

When I was a kid holidays

were much more modest. In

the late 1960s, just as package

holidays were first introduced,

I went with my family to Lido

di Jesolo on the east coast of

Italy. It was the first time I’d

seen French fries — or thin

chips as I called them — and it

was a fabulous place for a kid,

with lots of swimming pools.

As a teenager I used to go to

the World Cups when they

were in Europe. I’d hire a

Transit van with a group of

mates and book a campsite

where all the England fans

stayed. It was a great

atmosphere. I always fancied

going interrailing, but because

I lost my dad when I was

young I was always looking

after my mum and it didn’t

feel right to leave her for a

month to go off travelling.

Interview by Kirsty Nutkins

There are still plenty of

places I’d like to see. When the

pandemic is over I’d love to

explore British Columbia in

Canada and see all the

stunning lakes and forests

there and go to Vancouver

Island. I recently got hooked

on a reality show called Alone,

where people have to survive

in the wilderness there. I

thought: “Perhaps Paul and I

could go there with our fishing

rods and create a kind of OAPs’

survival

series!” I think

it’d be very

watchable.

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