Sickness 669
gifts. He consequently permits sickness and similar phenomena to
come upon us that we may see whether we want Him or purely His
gifts. If in days of adversity we seek nothing else, hen it indicates we
genuinely want God. Sickness readily discloses whether one seeks
his own desire or the arrangement of God.
We still harbor our personal desires. Such aspirations prove how
flushed with our own thoughts our daily life is. Both in the work of
God and in our dealings with people, we hold tenaciously to many
thoughts and opinions. God is compelled to bring us near the door of
death in order to teach us the folly of resisting Him. He lets us pass
through deep waters that we may be broken and may forsake our
self-will—that behavior of ours which displeases Him immensely.
How numerous are the Christians who ordinarily seem to follow
nothing of what the Lord has said but become obedient only after
their bodies are afflicted. The way of the Lord must therefore be this:
He chastises after love’s persuasion has lost its effectiveness. The
purpose of His chastisement is to break down self-will. Every sick
Christian should judge himself seriously in this respect.
Besides self-desire and self-will, what God additionally hates is a
heart of self-love. Self-love endangers the spiritual life and destroys
spiritual works. Except God expunge this element from us, we
cannot run our spiritual race swiftly. Self-love has a special
relationship to our body. To say we love ourselves means we cherish
our bodies and our life. Hence to destroy this odious trait God often
permits sickness to come upon us. Because of our love of self we are
fearful lest our body be weakened; yet God weakens it; He allows us
to experience pain. And when we expect to get well our sickness
becomes the more serious. We wish to keep on living, but that hope
appears to fade. God of course deals differently with different
people—some drastically, some relatively lightly; nonetheless, the
purpose of God in removing the heart of self-love remains the same.
How many strong ones must be brought near the gates of death
before their love of self dissolves: what else is left to be loved now