The Psychology of Gender 4th Edition

280 Chapter 8

back to friendship. In other cases, a sexual re-

lationship coexists with a friendship. In a sur-

vey of adults who disclosed sexual attraction to

their partner in a cross-sex friendship, nearly a

quarter (22%) evolved into romantic relation-

ships and the friendship ended in 16% of the

cases (Halatsis & Christakis, 2009). However,

the future course of the relationship also de-

pended on the sex of the discloser. As shown

in Figure 8.8, when males disclosed sexual at-

traction, the most likely outcomes were the

coexistence of friendship and sex or friendship

without reciprocal attraction. When females

disclosed sexual attraction, the most likely

outcomes were evolution into a romantic re-

lationship or acting on sexual attraction with a

return to friendship. According to Baumgarter

(2002), we lack a cultural script for cross-sex

friendship. We shouldn’t assume sex is bad for

One might ask, “What keeps cross-sex

friendships from developing into romantic

relationships?” The number one reason for

keeping a cross-sex friendship platonic seems

to be the desire to preserve the relationship

and avoid any kind of breakup (Messman,

Canary, & Hause, 2000). People perceive that

romantic relationships have the potential to

end. By keeping a relationship as a friend-

ship, we can feel more secure in maintaining

that relationship.

How does one manage sexual attrac-

tion in a cross-sex friendship? Oftentimes, one

tries to keep the attraction under control by

avoiding discussions of the relationship and

by discussing other romantic relationships

(Guerrero & Chavez, 2005). At other times, the

sexual attraction is acted upon. In some cases,

the couple has sex and the relationship reverts

FIGURE 8.8 Future Course of Cross-Sex Friendship After Male or Female

Discloses Sexual Attraction.

Source: Adapted from Halatsis & Christakis (2009).

Has Sex; Returns to Friendship

Without Sex

Friendship Remains, No Reciprocity

of Sexual Attraction

Evolution Into Romantic Relationship

Friendship Ends

Integrate Sex Into Friendship

0% 10% 20% 30%

Males

Females

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