Romantic Relationships 319■ A double standard exists regarding sex in casual rela-
tionships, such that it is more acceptable for a man
than a woman to engage in premarital sex.
■ Both men and women are disapproving of extramarital
sex, but women show stronger disapproval than men do.
■ There is some evidence that sex may have different
meanings for men and women, especially among
younger people. Men have a more recreational view of
sex and women a more relational view.
■ This difference may explain why both women and men
perceive that a woman who has an extramarital affair
is more serious about the relationship partner than a
man who has an extramarital affair.
■ The age of first sexual experience is lowering, and the
majority of young people have sex before marriage de-
spite abstinence only education and pledges of virginity.
■ Abstinence only education and pledges of virginity
seem to delay sex but do not postpone sex to marriage
and may be associated with less contraceptive use.Maintaining Relationships
Consider the following book titles that ap-
peared in the past decade:Creating a Healthy Life and Marriage:
A Holistic Approach: Body, Mind, Emo-
tions and Spirit (Desjardins, 2010)
Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for
Couples(Hendrix, 2007)
Ten Lessons to Transform Your Mar-
riage: America’s Love Lab Experts Share
Their Strategies for Strengthening Your
Relationship(Gottman, Gottman, &
Declaire, 2006)
Couple Skills: Making Your Relationship
Work(McKay, Fanning, & Paleg, 2006)What do these books have in common?
First and foremost, they are all geared towardthe difference in motives for sex is a function of
people’s sex rather than sexual orientation.
Women’s and men’s motives for sex also
can be examined in their motives for infidelity.
College students who had been in an exclusive
relationship and reported being emotionally or
sexually unfaithful to their partner identified a
number of reasons for the infidelity (Barta &
Kiene, 2005). The number one reason for both
men and women was being dissatisfied with
the current relationship, although women en-
dorsed this option more than men. The second
and third reasons were partner neglect and re-
venge, for which there were no sex differences.
The least endorsed reason was interest in sex
and sexual variety, which men endorsed more
than women—again supporting the idea that
men (at least college-age) have a more recre-
ational view of sex than women. Another study
of college students suggested that the primary
reason for infidelity for both women and men
was attraction to the person (Brand et al.,
2007). After that, women were more likely than
men to report being unhappy in the current re-
lationship and both were likely to report being
bored with the current relationship.TAKE HOME POINTS
■ On the whole, men and women conceptualize intimacy
in the same ways. Intimacy includes expressions of love
and appreciation, feelings of happiness and content-
ment, and self-disclosure.
■ Sex may be a more important component of intimacy for
both heterosexual and homosexual men than women, but
it is still not the most important feature of intimacy for men.
■ Historically, women had a more practical view of love
and men had a more romantic view. Today, the sex
differences are smaller, but men still tend to hold more
romantic ideals than women.
■ Men and women are equally accepting of sex in seri-
ous relationships. In more casual relationships, men are
more accepting of sex.M09_HELG0185_04_SE_C09.indd 319 6/21/11 12:40 PM