The Psychology of Gender 4th Edition

Romantic Relationships 329

with children talk about an area in which

the mother wanted a change and an area in

which the father wanted a change. The two

interactions were videotaped. Self-reports

and observer ratings of demand/withdraw

behavior showed that the typical wife de-

mand/husband withdraw pattern was found

when the issue was one in which the mother

desired a change (shown on the left side of

each of the figures in Figure 9.9). When the

issue was one in which the father desired a

change (the right half of the figures), there

was less mother demanding and more father

demanding. However, the pattern did not

completely reverse itself. When the couple

discussed the father’s issue, there was no sex

difference in the demand/withdraw pattern.

Another explanation for the wife de-

mand/husband withdraw pattern is that it is

wives who most often want change in the re-

lationship. A study that asked couples about

the changes that they would like to see in

their spouse showed that women desired

more change than men (Heyman et al., 2009).

Women wanted spouses to participate more in

household chores, be more involved in parent-

ing, express more emotion, and spend more

time with them. Men, by contrast, requested

change in only one area—increased sex.

If this explanation is true, one should

observe more husband demanding when

the husband wants change in the relation-

ship. In the first test of this idea, Christensen

and Heavey (1993) had married couples

Mother’s Issue

(Change in Father)

Father’s Issue

(Change in Mother)

Likelihood of One DemandingWhile the Other Withdraws

10

9

8

11

12

13

14

15

Mother Demand/Father Withdraw

Father Demand/Mother Withdraw

Mother’s Issue

(Change in Father)

Father’s Issue

(Change in Mother)

Likelihood of One DemandingWhile the Other Withdraws

21

20

19

22

23

24

25

26

27

28

29

Self-Report

Observer Ratings

FIGURE 9.9 Demand/withdraw pattern. When the issue being discussed is one in which mothers

are concerned, the typical wife demand/husband withdraw pattern is observed. There is little husband

demand/wife withdrawal. When the issue being discussed is one in which fathers are concerned, wife

demand/husband withdrawal decreases and husband demand/wife withdrawal increases. However, the

pattern does not completely reverse itself. Thus the wife demand/husband withdraw pattern is not only

a function of wives having more concerns in the relationship.

Source: A. Christensen and C. L. Heavy (1993). Gender differences in marital conflict: The demand/

withdraw interaction pattern. In S. Oskamp and M. Constanzo (Eds.), Gender issues in contemporary

society (Vol. 6, pp. 113–141). Beverly Hills, CA: Sage.

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