FourFourTwo December 2021 83ERICH MIELKE
DYNAMO BERLIN
Say what you like about Mielke,
the murderously evil head of one of
Europe’s most terrifying organisations,
but he knew how to operate a transfer
policy. For three decades, Mielke was East
Germany’s Minister of State Security – he
ran the Stasi – and favoured Dynamo (having
relocated them from Dresden to Berlin, as
you do). His negotiating tactic of just taking
other teams’ best players eventually proved
effective, once rivals and referees received
the matchday frighteners, too. Dynamo ‘won’
10 straight league titles from 1979 onwards.
SILVIO BERLUSCONI
MILAN/MONZA
Where do you get your kicks after dominating
European football for years? Well, you might
as well take a punt at running the country.
Silvio, the highly-successful media magnate
and less-welcome babe magnet, made such
a good fist of running Milan – and milking all
of the glory – that he became Italy’s
first non-politician Prime Minister
in 1994. Lots of tricky financial and
female revelations later, the disgraced
but unabashed tycoon left office, sold
Milan, acquired lower-division Monza,
banned beards and tattoos, and recruited
Mario Balotelli. Why not?NICOLAE CEAUSESCU
STEAUA BUCHAREST
Very much working from the Mielke playbook,
Ceausescu ruled Romania for three decades- and massively corrupted its football league
on the side. That strategy led to Romanian
football’s greatest achievement, even if many
blamed Steve Archibald. Steaua Bucharest,
after forcibly acquiring Romania’s top talent,
stunned Terry Venables’ Barcelona to lift the
1986 European Cup, as Barça fans bemoaned
Archibald’s inclusion over semi-final hat-trick
hero Pichi Alonso. It didn’t help Ceausescu in
the long-term: his death by firing squad was
televised on Christmas Day, 1989.
GORDON BROWN
RAITH ROVERS
Appearing on this list puts the Scot alongside
some unsavoury characters, albeit not for
the first time. From the wrath of Mielke to the
Raith of Brown, Britain’s long-term Chancellor
and short-term Prime Minister might have
enjoyed longer as the latter if his spin doctors
had championed his grassroots credentials.
While he was the Chancellor, Brown rallied to
save struggling Kirkcaldy outfit Raith Rovers,
chipping in £5,000 of his own money and
tapping up local celebs – East Fife-supporting
artist Jack Vettriano joked that he would pay
to see them relegated. Brown quietly became
a significant shareholder, introducing new
chairman John Sim (not the actor) to Stark’s
Park and even persuading Marvin Andrews,
Rangers’ 101-cap Trinidadian centre-back, to
return from Ibrox.THAKSIN SHINAWATRA
MANCHESTER CITY
Affectionately known as ‘Frank’ by City fans,
Shinawatra was less warmly received back
in Thailand, where he’d been a no-nonsense
Prime Minister to put it mildly. He set about
changing City’s image, too, hiring Sven-Goran
Eriksson and funding ‘proper’ talent such as
Elano, Vedran Corluka and Rolando Bianchi,
as well as three Thai players – Suree Sukha,
Kiatprawut Saiwaeo and Teerasil Dangda –
who never played a single game. Ultimately,
Thaksin’s bank accounts were suspended, he
needed to sell, and the Sky Blues’ short spell
as big spenders was over forever...VIKTOR ORBAN
FELCSUT/PUSKAS AKADEMIA
Sure, Hungary’s long-time head honcho may
be increasingly intolerant – of the LGBTQ+
community in particular – but he knows what
he likes: football. The 58-year-old was once
on the books of Videoton, and during his first
spell as Prime Minister played semi-pro for his
tiny hometown club, Felcsut. After retaking
power in 2010, he built them a new stadium,
having already formed a new team to play in
it: Puskas Akademia. They’re now established
in the top division, perhaps unsurprisingly.IT’S ALL POLITICS, CLIVE
Though the Gaddafis’ meddling got Saadi into Italy’s top flight, they’re hardly
the only influential leaders to latch onto football for popularity point-scoring
Main ‘Frank’ found
love in Manchester
more than at home
Above Erich wasn’t
exactly the Mielke
of human kindness
Top right “Hang
on, you’re lumping
me in with who?”SAADI
GADDAFI