And here’s what Shirley has shared with me, not from anything in particular that she has said
during our times together, but just from her beingness: never take someone else’s answer for
your own, never give up who you are, and never stop exploring who you could be if you
moved to the next level.
That takes courage.
Which brings me to two of the most courageous people I know: Ellen DeGeneres and Anne
Heche.
It was in December of 1998 that Nancy and I received an invitation to spend a few days with
these two remarkable women. They asked if we could arrive in time for a day-long gathering
they were planning with a few friends for January first. “We’re starting a new life in this new
year, and we couldn’t think of anyone we’d rather spend New Year’s Day with than you,” their
message said. “The books have inspired us so much.”
Nancy and I flew in from Estes Park, Colorado, where we’d just finished, that morning, our
annual Year-End Re-creating Yourself Retreat.
I don’t think there’s any place on Earth where I have felt more comfortable, more rapidly than
I did in Ellen and Anne’s home. It’s difficult not to feel instantly comfortable, because in their
space all pretense is gone, all things disingenuous disappear, and what’s left is unconditional
acceptance of who you are, as you are, no excuses required, no explanations needed, no
guilt or shame or fear or feeling of being “not enough.” The experience is not the result of
anything in particular that Ellen and Anne are doing, but what they are being.
First, they are being loving. Openly honestly continuously. This shows up as warmth and an
easy affection, shared with each other, and with everyone else in the room. Then, they are
being transparent—which is, of course, another way of being loving. There isn’t a hidden
agenda, there isn’t an unspoken truth, there isn’t a single deception in the space. They are
what they are, and you are what you are, and it is all okay and the fact that it is all okay
makes every moment delicious.
Anne and Ellen’s home, and Anne and Ellen’s heart, say simply, “Welcome, you’re safe
here.”
That is such a special gift to give to another. I only hope that I can always provide such safety
in my own space, with everyone I touch. I have had it modeled for me now by many Masters.
I just wish I could have met these wonderful people a few years earlier.
Everything is perfect. You met them at just the right time.
Yes, but a few years earlier and I could have learned what their lives have taught me before I
did so much damage to others.
You have done no damage to others, any more than others have done damage to you. Have
you not had people who you’ve imagined to be villains in your life?
Well, maybe one or two.
And have you been irrevocably damaged by them?
No, I guess not.
You guess not?
You’re sounding like Shirley.
Beats sounding like George Burns.
Cute.