pupils won't stay on until 17 because of lack of specialist exam teachers,
and without a good few adolescents self-government is impossible. With
all the worry about the school it may be that we can't come out to the
conference this year.
I have thought a lot of the chances of settling in U.S.A. The ad
vantages would be that Zoe would have a better chance of continuing
to live if this new H-bomb is to be used in the next few years. It would
wipe Britain out. On the other hand, how could I earn a living in U.S.A.
At 66 I can't open a new school. I'm not well enough known to make a
living by lecturing nor by writing. Again I begin to feel my age, not only
sexually but in general; have less drive and enthusiasm in me. I should
have been able to slack off at my age and have a peaceful old age, but
with a baby to work for I have to go on struggling till I die.
With all this worry I find myself contributing not a single idea to the
work. I dream at nights of bills for gas and coal etc. All I have in the
world are houses whose rent brings me in £ 120 a year and my book
royalties which are not many.
Oh, well, I've got all that grouse off my chest. Unfair to worry you
with my miseries.
Ena and I sit in the Box every night for half an hour each. Ena says
that she sleeps far more deeply and longer when she has sat in it.
- I •
Forest Hills, New York
February 7, 1950
My dear Neill:
Yesterday I received your letter of February 2nd .. I want you
to feel at ease about your "big grumble." I don't mind it at all, and if I
can help in any way, I shall be only too glad to do so.
I realize fully the precarious situation your school finds itself in, in
present-day England. Understanding the awful misconception of
socialism as practiced by socialist state governments will not help. The
question is: What could be done to save your work?
The following is only an idea, not even a well-considered plan as yet.
It is an idea which I nourished for a long time but did not know how to
realize. During the past few years my work in bio-energetics and pre
vention of armoring has, naturally, more and more been centered on
newborn infants. The idea of organizing and building a home for infants