APRIL 6
The other Sunday, I remember, in a political discussion I
said some things I shouldn’t have. I can’t tell you how un-
happy I am about it now. It seems as though I had been harsh
with someone no longer able to defend himself...These are
things I can’t yet bear to think about. They cause me so much
grief. Life has started again. If only I had an aim, an ambition
of any kind, it would help me to bear it. But that isn’t the
case.
—MARCEL PROUSTHow we berate ourselves! Conversations in which we feel
we weren’t as kind as we might have been stick in our
minds. We torture ourselves, wishing we could take back
our words. And because we are so debilitated with grief
that we cannot muster the energy to internally “change the
subject” and get on with something else, these grievances
against ourselves continue to sound in our minds.
Chances are that this incident (and others) which we re-
member with such chagrin was nowhere near as big an
“event” in the life of our loved one as it has become in ours.
Of course we have said hurtful things to people we
love—and will probably continue to do so. Think of it as the
price of a spontaneous relationship. Would you really like
to have everything that’s said to you weighed solemnly for
all its possible negative effects?
Our loved ones forgive us, as we forgive them.