Healing After Loss

JULY 5

The sorrow for the dead is the only sorrow from which we

refuse to be divorced. Every other wound we seek to heal,

every other affliction to forget; but this wound we consider

it a duty to keep open; this affliction we cherish and brood

over in solitude.

—WASHINGTON IRVING

Perhaps we are affronted by this suggestion—a sort of
blame-the-victim parry that makes it seem we are exploiting
our grief, clinging to it when we could consider it finished
and done.
Are there benefits to us in grieving? Consider:
We get a lot of attention and sympathy from friends.
Grief can be an excuse—to ourselves and others—not to
continue with responsibilities we’d as soon be without.
Grief—here’s the tough one—can make us feel we have
stayed close to the one we loved. After all, the loved one’s
dying was our last connection, and why wouldn’t we want
to hold on?
Sympathy from friends is wonderful and we need it. But
try a grief support group. They know our need, and will
help us know if we’re clinging to grief for attention’s sake.
Yes, we want to stay close to the one we’ve lost, but it’s
the person we need to hold in our minds. Dwelling on the
loss can get in the way of our doing that.

My hope is found in my love, not in the degree of my grieving.