JULY 14
We are healed of a suffering only by experiencing it to the
full.
—MARCEL PROUSTThere is no skirting around the suffering of grief. If we are
to incorporate this event into our lives, we must walk
through the center of our suffering, with our eyes open.
We may be tempted to do otherwise—to save ourselves
from this pain.
It doesn’t work. What we try to avoid will stay, demand-
ing its due, the pain compounding like unpaid interest as
we add to the burden of loss the burden of trying to hold
the pain at bay.
To be sure we can take “breathers” as we’re able—and
we need to, to keep our emotional health intact. It is a fine
balancing act—when to seek diversion and when to let the
full measure of loss declare itself.
We find this out by trial and error. When the pressure
begins to build—a sense of being pushed by an unspoken
agenda—it’s time to release that pressure by being present
to our sadness. We don’t have to do it alone. Sometimes a
friend can listen, without trying to gloss over our grief or
burden us with well-meaning advice. A grief group is espe-
cially helpful—people who understand that we need to talk
about it—again and again and again.
I will be present to my grief; it is my only way to new life.