DECEMBER 3
I was beginning to do better, I thought I was doing better,
but a few days ago the holidays just hit me.
—WIDOW, CONTEMPLATING
HER FIRST CHRISTMAS ALONEMemories are always there to hook us, to make the grief
fresh again—birthdays, anniversaries, summer vaca-
tion—any occasion of “the first time around” without our
loved one. But the Christmas holidays, the Hanukkah ob-
servances, when the whole world seems poised for celebra-
tion, are among the most difficult times of year for survivors
of loss. Each of us has a time-honored list of things “we al-
ways do”—go to services, hang the stockings, light the
candles, share traditional foods. They are part of our identity
and our joy in being alive in the world together—and now
one of the key people with whom we shared that joy is gone.
Is it any wonder we cringe from the thought of the holidays?
We will get through it, and probably better if we can talk
about it with others who are feeling the same loss. Reaching
out to others (the poor, the lonely, the homeless) for whom
this is also a difficult season will help, and will express the
deeper meaning of the season.
I know this will be a hard season for me. I will take one day at a
time. I will acknowledge when grief hovers close. And I will try
to be open to times when joy may surprise me, too.