DECEMBER 30
I know my children are concerned about me, but I am all
right and I am glad they are letting me have a few days to
myself now and then. Their mother taught them to care and
I see her hand in all of this. I guess I should think of it as her
staying around to watch over me.
—TERRY KAYWhen a family member dies, the survivors are faced with
the delicate task of caring for each other, filling in the space
left vacant by the loved one.
Some things like filling out papers and attending to finan-
cial matters are self-evident. Others, like the degree of com-
fort and presence a bereaved person needs or wants, are
difficult to judge, and it takes a while to get the balance right.
It is important to recognize good intentions, and also to
speak up, kindly, when the balance sways too far to one side
or the other.
In this back and forth of who does best and most wisely
for whom, the loved one’s absence is keenly felt—otherwise,
why would we be doing all this? But maybe the loved one’s
presence is here, too—in the care we take of each other, in
the tenderness with which we try to fill the unfillable shoes.
I will try to be honest and kind in dealing with the responses of
others to my loss.