FEBRUARY 5
As for inflicting our sorrow on other people, one does not
want to go around blathering and crying all the time. But
perhaps it is our gift to others to trust them enough to share
our feelings with them. It may help them deal with some of
their own.
—MARTHA WHITMORE
HICKMANThe attempt to “be brave,” to “keep a stiff upper lip” and
otherwise be controlled and poised in the face of grief, is a
false god. How are we supposed to feel when our heart is
broken?
And yet we continue to extol those who do not show their
grief in public, who receive condolences as though the occa-
sion were a pleasant Sunday afternoon exchange. “She was
so brave. I was proud of her. She didn’t break down, not
once,” we hear people say.
For whose benefit is this ironclad hold on the emotions?
For the griever’s sake? For the sake of the consolers, who
may be fearful of being swept into the grief, unsure of how
they will handle it when their time comes?
A friend said, “If someone cries in front of me, I consider
it a gift.”
I will not further burden myself with false prohibitions about tears.