FEBRUARY 9
Light griefs can speak; great ones are dumb.
—SENECAWe are urged, for our own health, to “talk about it.” Some-
times we can, sometimes we can’t.
It would be bad news indeed if this inability to speak
lasted very long. But, as in many other aspects of the griev-
ing process, our psyches know what we need.
So if in our grief we are at “a loss for words,” we don’t
need to be talking on and on. Certainly we don’t need to
talk constantly in order to help other people feel more
comfortable. It’s okay to expect them to adapt to our needs
now, instead of the other way around.
I remember going to a party and, in contrast to my usual
eagerness to be part of the conversational exchange, feeling
in my grief unable to do that. Like a mother giving permis-
sion to a child to be excused from some task, I gave myself
permission to be a bystander, on the edge of the conversation
with no “duty” to grease the social wheels. The group got
along fine without me, and I can still remember the inner
sigh of relief as I settled into my small psychic cocoon—for
a little while.
It’s okay for me to take care of myself right now.