Healing After Loss

MARCH 16

It is a sad weakness in us, after all, that the thought of a

man’s death hallows him anew to us; as if life were not sac-

red, too.

—GEORGE ELIOT

There is a way in which, of course, we hallow the dead. Their
lives, now over, stand in stark relief. Death is a time for sol-
emn remembrance, for holding our loved ones at the center
of attention, to acknowledge our loss and how much we
shall miss them.
But it is also possible to be so preoccupied with the dead
that we neglect the living. This is a particular danger when
there are young children involved. In studies done on the
responses of children to death in the family, a sizable number
of children reported feeling overlooked and neglected. They
felt their grief was not acknowledged or attended to. This
is understandable but unfortunate, and probably easily
avoided with a little more sensitivity to how they’re feeling,
along with assuring that they feel included in the family’s
grief. It is no favor to children—or to anyone close in the
family—to try to “spare” them by keeping them at a distance.
They—and all of us—need hugs and reassurance more than
protection.

There is a fine balance between attending to my own needs and
being mindful of the needs of the living, who may depend on me
for comfort and reassurance.