MARCH 22
I think I am beginning to understand why grief feels so much
like suspense. It comes from the frustration of so many im-
pulses that have become habitual...I keep on through habit
fitting an arrow to the string; then I remember and have to
lay the bow down.
—C. S. LEWISIn the first days, weeks, and months, the loss feels like an
amputation. The nerves twinge as though the limb were still
there. Particularly if death has come suddenly, these invol-
untary impulses occur. We start to set the old number of
places at the table. We count over one too many seats at the
movies. Each time we catch ourselves it jabs like a needle
in the heart.
But after a time—a long time—we may welcome the asso-
ciation as a poignant reminder of happy times shared and
not to be forgotten. I recall returning home after the death
of my daughter and saying to my son, “How can I live in
this house? I’ll see her everywhere.”
He said, “There may come a time when you’ll be glad.”
Now, years later, as I walk through the rooms where she
lived with us, I welcome those associations.
Healing moves at its own pace. What is a burden one day may be
a gift another day.