MARCH 28
Grief comes in unexpected surges...Mysterious cues that set
off a reminder of grief. It comes crashing like a wave,
sweeping me in its crest, twisting me inside out. Then re-
cedes, leaving me broken. Oh, Mama, I don’t want to eat, to
walk, to get out of bed. Reading, working, cooking, listening,
mothering. Nothing matters. I do not want to be distracted
from my grief. I wouldn’t mind dying. I wouldn’t mind at
all.
—TOBY TALBOTAnything can set us off—a fragment of music, a piece of old
clothing we come upon when cleaning out a closet, a slip of
paper that falls out of a book, with that familiar handwriting
on it. Just when we thought we were feeling better, gaining
some stability, something comes to plunge us right back into
that raw, overpowering sense of loss.
Not only are we unable to think of anything else, we don’t
want to. There is nothing on the horizon but this. Our grief
occupies our life out to the edges. If we try to look to the
future, our glance is stuck in this mire of grief. Is it any
wonder we think of our own death as not such a bad idea?
This mood comes without warning and it is devastating.
It also passes. So...live in your grief, yes. But also wait.
To accept the surges of grief when they come is also to know they
will pass.