increase the survival chances of humans in a particular

environment. The secure attachment style has worked best,

because throughout history our ancestors lived predominantly in

close-knit groups where working together was by far the best

way to secure their future and that of their offspring. To ensure

the survival of the species under any condition that might arise,

however, more than one strategy was called necessary. For

those born into hostile conditions, in which large numbers

perished from hunger, disease, or natural disasters, skills other

than collaborative ones became more important. Those

individuals who were able to detach and be self-sufficient were

more successful at competing for limited resources in these

extreme environments, and so, a segment of the population

leaned toward an avoidant attachment style.

Unfortunately, the survival advantage for the human race does

not necessarily translate into an advantage for the avoidant

individual. Chris McCandless might still be alive if he’d been

willing to collaborate with others. In fact, studies show that if you

have an avoidant attachment style, you tend to be less happy

and satisfied in your relationships.

The good news is that it doesn’t have to be that way; you

don’t have to be a slave to evolutionary forces. You can learn

what does not come naturally to you and improve your chances

at developing a rewarding relationship.

FLYING SOLO?

It’s important to remember that the avoidant attachment style always
manifests itself. It determines to a great extent what you expect in
relationships, how you interpret romantic situations, and how you
behave with your date or partner. Whether you are single or involved in
a relationship, even a committed one, you are always maneuvering to
keep people at a distance.
Susan, who has an avoidant attachment style, describes herself as a