If you’re still in the relationship, remember that just because you can
get along with anyone doesn’t mean you have to. If you’re unhappy
after having tried every way to make things work, chances are that you
should move on. It’s in your best interest to end a dysfunctional
relationship rather than get stuck forever with the wrong person just
because you’re secure.
If you’ve experienced loss of an attachment figure, for whatever
reason, remember that it wasn’t your set of beliefs that were to blame
and it is well worth holding on to them. It is better to find a way to heal
the wounds and maintain the hope that there are other people out there
who share your need for intimacy and closeness. You can be happy
again.

A FINAL WORD OF RECOGNITION FOR THE

SECURES OF THIS WORLD

Before we learned about attachment theory, we took the secures of the
world for granted, and even dismissed them as boring. But looking
through the attachment prism, we’ve come to appreciate secure
people’s talents and abilities. The goofy Homer Simpson- like
colleague whom we barely noticed was suddenly transformed into a
guy with impressive relationship talent who treats his wife admirably,
and our get-a-life neighbor suddenly became a perceptive, caring
person who keeps the entire family emotionally in check. But not all
secure people are homebodies or goofy. You are not settling by going
secure! Secures come in all shapes and forms. Many are good-
looking and sexy. Whether plain or gorgeous, we’ve learned to
appreciate them all for what they really are—the “super-mates” of
evolution—and we hope that you will too.