on to them can be highly destructive. They encourage us to
compromise our self-esteem and happiness by ignoring our most
basic needs and trying to be someone we’re not.
We believe that every person deserves to experience the benefits of
a secure bond. When our partner acts as our secure base and
emotional anchor, we derive strength and encouragement to go out
into the world and make the most of ourselves. He or she is there to
help us become the best person we can be, as we are for them.
Don’t Lose Sight of These Facts:- Your attachment needs are legitimate.
- You shouldn’t feel bad for depending on the person you are
closest to—it is part of your genetic makeup. - A relationship, from an attachment perspective, should make
you feel more self-confident and give you peace of mind. If it
doesn’t, this is a wake-up call! - And above all, remain true to your authentic self—playing games
will only distance you from your ultimate goal of finding true
happiness, be it with your current partner or with someone else.
We hope you will use the relationship wisdom distilled in this book,
from more than two decades of research, to find happiness in your
romantic connections and to soar in all aspects of your life. If you follow
the attachment principles we have outlined, you will be actively giving
yourself the best shot at finding—and keeping—a deeply gratifying
love, instead of leaving one of the most important aspects of your life
to chance!