5.

Living with a Sixth Sense for Danger: The

Anxious Attachment Style

The famous seventeenth-century philosopher Baruch Spinoza said:
“All happiness or unhappiness solely depends upon the quality of the
object to which we are attached by love.” So choose wisely when you
are getting involved with someone, because the stakes are high: Your
happiness depends on it! We find this to be particularly true for people
with anxious attachment style. By being unaware of the attachment
system, they risk suffering a great deal in relationships, as can be
seen in the example of Amir’s colleague Emily.

YOU’RE ONLY AS TROUBLED AS THE

RELATIONSHIP YOU’RE IN

When Emily was in her psychiatry residency, she decided she also
wanted to become a psychoanalyst. Before starting classes at the
psychoanalytic institute, she was required to embark on her own
analysis for at least a year, going to therapy four times a week, lying on
the couch and talking about whatever came to mind. In the beginning,
Emily was doing very well. In fact, she appeared so put together that
her analyst thought that she would be done with the analysis within two
years max—unheard of, considering that analysis usually lasts at least
four to five years.
Then she met David, whom she fell for very quickly. David, an
aspiring actor, turned out to be bad news. He gave her mixed signals
about wanting to be together, and this really unnerved Emily. It