Filters: Sex and Other Misconceptions 171
lightly beneath the eyes, almost in petting fashion. A common
assumption is that women don’t want to smear their makeup, but I
have observed this type of touching in cultures where women don’t
wear eye makeup. It is as if the nurturing piece of femaleness even
transfers to the self.
A woman who is uncomfortable will place the fingers of one
hand in the palm of the other, thereby creating not only an adaptor
as she lightly massages her fingertips, but also a barrier to close out
the offenders. I watched Carol Burnett, now 73, do this very thing
this morning on a talk show. She has been away from the limelight
for a while and her discomfort showed. I noticed other signs of
fight or flight during the interview, too.
A man in a similar situation will wring his hands; the effect is a
masculine let’s-get-down-to-business gesture while adapting and
barriering. A man rubbing his legs is an inborn male approach to
counteracting stress. As he rubs his thighs, the contact with his skin
releases hormones to comfort him, while at the same time, the ag-
gressive rubbing releases energy. This adaptor is not just for a baseball
player on deck. You will also see it in the board room.
Women have a version of the batter-on-deck, too. I have sat in
rooms with women who are suddenly “cold” as the meeting heats
up. They cross their arms and pet themselves on the elbows and
forearms. A learned behavior, it may have started in response to
cold, but it has become a strategy for self-comforting and barriering.
Because people actually do a variation of the move when they’re
cold, this tends not to draw attention to discomfort.
The energy transfer effected by adaptors varies from individual
to individual and culture to culture. The variations are too numerous