The Man in the Street 237
Distance
Culture—from microculture through super-culture—dictates
proximity in your interaction. In American culture, if you are inti-
mately involved, standing far away can send a strong message of
conflict. On the other hand, a casual acquaintance may be quite
distressed if you move within 18 inches. Your intent again is either
to repel or connect.
How do you choose to use distance? I know people who have
told me that they have developed anti-hugger strategies to avert
unwanted intrusion. The strategy may be as simple as a handshake
or as complex as hand-talking that conveys, “Good to see you! We
haven’t seen each other in so long, we have almost become strangers.”
The combination of body language and words sends the message, “I
like you, but feel uncomfortable with you that close.” You can use
your body language in this way to repel the person who is making
the unwanted advance without causing hard feelings.
Timing
How quickly or slowly you respond is an indicator most people
will recognize. A rushed answer can indicate urgency, especially
when the answer is no. A slow answer can also be a negative
when you use it intelligently. I can telegraph that I am unsure when
asked for or about something by answering in a halting fashion.
Women use this all the time, probably because many of you are
trained to be agreeable, so giving an outright no is uncomfortable.