Panchayat seal. This helped calm my nerves and simultaneously instilled in
me a sense of confidence in my newfound status. He joked and said he would
only give me the Panchayat seal if I paid him Rs. 500. I told him it did not
matter and said that after all I am the President irrespective of whether you
give me the seal or not. For me, this was the first time that a male member
of my family had spoken to me as an equal (or almost an equal). Although
this newfound respect helped me gain some self-confidence, I played a very
passive role in my first few years as President. I hardly ever spoke in Panchayat
meetings preferred my husband to sit next to the Panchayat Secretary and
take charge. I kept my face covered at all public meetings and if I had a
view, I would voice it to my fellow female Ward Members rather than to
the Panchayat Secretary.
Then, in August 2005, I attended a training session in Udaipur. First, I refused
to go because I was scared. I had not spent a night away from my husband or
my village ever since I had got married. Even when I acquiesced, the fear did
not subside. I cried all the way from Jaipur to Udaipur. However, a few days
on things changed dramatically. What marked the occasion was that I made
friends with women who were not from my village and I began to realize that
my fears were baseless. On our way back, I remarked to the field worker from
the organisation, which had co-coordinated the training that from now on
she could take me anywhere and I would happily go! Since then I have made
several trips to Jaipur and Delhi.
The trainings and exposure also equipped me with the necessary skills to manage
my Panchayat. I learnt to ask the Panchayat Secretary to read documents out
loud to me before agreeing to put my signature on them, I learnt what a quorum
was, I learnt about the gram Sabha, I learnt about processes required to push
widow pension forms through the system. However, most of all, I acquired an
understanding of the role I could play as President of my Panchayat.
Over time, I gathered the courage to raise my veil. When I was first elected,
my opponents used to taunt me. They would look at me and ask – what can
an illiterate woman who wears a veil like you do for us. It took two years