Universal statements consist of words such as no one,
everyone, never, always, all, nothing. The speaker has
generalized specific experiences to make them true in all
circumstances. One way of responding would be to use the
generalization back to them as a question:
❏ Always?
❏ No one?
Alternative ways of responding would be to challenge the
detail behind the statement:
“She never listens to me.”
“How do you know that?” or “Has there ever been a time when
she did listen to you?”
These challenges reconnect the speaker with the reality of
their experience.
I was recently in discussion with a friend of mine who works as a
personal assistant. In this role she provides administrative support
for a team of senior managers. She had shown a high level of skill
in her ability to coach and facilitate others. I was discussing the
possibility of how she might use these skills to help the
management team introduce the changes they had talked about.
“Oh, I can’t do that,” she immediately replied. At some level
she had chosen to limit her potential in this context.
Can you imagine the managing director of a company or the
head of a country saying “I can't” when asked to consider the
future? They wouldn't last in that position for long.
Faced with “I can't,” what can you say? “What stops you?” is
one choice. This invites the speaker to identify and face up to
the reality of the obstacles, imagined or otherwise.
Another possibility is to ask, “What would happen if you
did?” This is a very powerful question. In its own right it can
empower people to go beyond the barriers they build for
themselves. However, when you ask the question, pay
attention to whether the speaker really answers it in their
thinking and in their speech. You may find that they answer
98 NLP AT WORK
STOPPERS AND
LIMITERS
“What would happen if you
did?”